I Wanna Die With You
by brightpinkstars
Summary: Quinn wakes up in the middle of the night and contemplates her relationship with Rachel. Loosely based off of OneRepublic's song; Something I Need


_If we only die once, I wanna die with you._

There was something about the way Rachel's chest rose and fell as she slept. It was the most miniscule of movements but it was everything. Her breathing was her very existence. If she stopped then she would die. Which was kind of obvious when you thought about it. But it was late, and Quinn's brain was frazzled. She'd been putting in a lot of overtime recently to finish this big report and last night had been the first night she had gotten home at a relatively reasonable time. She had celebrated this by missing the dinner her girlfriend had decided to prepare and collapsing into their bed, asleep before her head had even hit the pillow.

When she had awoken, she was dismayed to see that it was 2:13am and that her girlfriend wasn't curled up against her like she usually was, but as far away from Quinn as she could possibly get without falling off the bed. Quinn cursed her body for denying her sleep and her mind wandered to the dream she had been having.

She'd had the dream almost constantly when she was younger. She was an old lady, dying with no-one there to see her go. Over the years the dream manipulated itself around her life, with the addition of Rachel watching her die when she was 17. This dream Rachel was some kind of nurse, obviously there only because it was her duty and not out of any feelings she would have about this old lady in the bed. She would sit there as Quinn struggled to talk to her and after Quinn's last breaths had left her lungs, she would simply lift a sheet over her face, no emotion showing on her features.

This dream was once enough to bring a young Quinn Fabray to tears. Not because she was dying, but because she was dying without Rachel ever knowing how she felt about her. Once she had actually admitted to herself how she felt about Rachel that is. Quinn had always imagined telling Rachel once they'd left school, when they didn't have the pressures of the glee club and their parents to be a certain way. This had been what had happened and Quinn was forever grateful that she didn't chicken out and told Rachel about her feelings.

The fact that she was having this dream again now, after being in a relationship with Rachel for five years was odd. The dream wasn't identical to how it used to be, Rachel was sad this time. She wasn't bawling her eyes out at the thought of living without Quinn, but she was upset. She had probably already felt distant to Quinn and so her death wasn't much of a shock to her.

Growing up in the Fabray household, Quinn had been taught that emotions were a sign of weakness. Adults didn't cry because they were too strong too. Her parents never showed each other or her very much affection because it just wasn't how things were done. When she started dating Rachel it had been odd how juxtaposed they were, Quinn closed off with high walls, and Rachel overly dramatic and emotional. Quinn had known this before but when they crossed the intimate line of becoming involved, she saw it more and more. It slowly became one of Quinn's favourite things about Rachel. She had worked to become more open with Rachel, to match her in emotions so they could be truly intimate, but it was hard. It was hard going against everything she was ever taught about life. But she tried, god did she try.

The rise and fall of Rachel's chest quickened slightly as she rolled over to face Quinn, eyes still peacefully closed. Quinn reached out and stroked the skin of her cheek with the back of her fingers, a sigh escaping her lips as she did so.

"You're staring" Rachel murmured a few hours later, having been woken by the stream of light coming through the gap in the curtains.

"I have been for a while" Quinn admitted, the corner of her lips twitching into a minute smile.

Rachel peeped through one eye at Quinn before snapping it shut again "You look like death"

"Didn't get much sleep. I was up all night thinking"

"What about?"

"How I'm not good enough for you"

Rachel fully opened her eyes and moved to bury her face in Quinn's chest "But you are"

"I'm not" Quinn chuckled, running her hand through Rachel's brown locks. "But I've decided I'm going to try and improve. Starting now" She pressed a soft kiss to Rachel's temple before whispering "I want to die with you"

Rachel's brow furrowed as she tried to process this "What?"

Quinn smiled again, pulling Rachel closer to her, breathing in her smell. "Maybe I should rephrase that. I want to spend my life with you. I want to eat every meal you make me and talk nonsense in bed every night"

"Nonsense like this?" Rachel asked, a warm smile on her face

"Yes. I want to dance around the living room in our underwear and I want to dance with you in our white gowns at our wedding. I want to fight with you over what colour we should paint our baby's room and cry with you when we first hear its heartbeat. I want us to joke about who's the cool mom. I want to be the one to tell you on your 40th birthday that you don't look a day over 32 and I want to prove it to you by worshipping your body at every possible point from now until we die." She blushed softly, extremely aware that all of Rachel's attention was on her now. "You're a piece of me, Rach. I don't ever want anyone but you..." Her voice trailed off as her flush turned a deeper shade of red.

"That sounded better in my head" Quinn admitted sheepishly "But basically I love yo-" Rachel didn't even let her finish, crashing their lips together.

"I'm holding you to every single one of those"

So, that was my first attempt at fic writing! It would be great to get some feedback about it, so please review if you want to.


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